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Trapped

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Trapped Last night I read a post by a man in a similar situation to me.  He mentioned that while he loves his wife and his family, he feels trapped.  Here’s my response. TL;DR:    The short answer is yes, I have felt trapped in the situation you described. The longer answer has me asking myself Why do I feel trapped?    In any given space, I might feel restricted, even constricted at times, but not necessarily trapped.    Even knowing that there is more outside that space doesn’t inherently make me feel trapped.    What makes the difference?    My experience is that I only begin to feel trapped when my needs cannot be reasonably met inside the space. Three obvious questions then:    How do I stop feeling trapped, How do I know what I need, and What about commandments?   The first question is the easiest.    Whatever it is that you’re missing either must come into the space you are in, or you have to expand the space.     If all your friends move, expanding your space could mean going o
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Missing the Mark

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I have wondered how things would have been different if instead of pouring effort into opposing gay marriage, the Church had put the same effort into focusing on strengthening marriages and helping people heal, overcome challenges, build community, and live with courage and purpose? In a rare moment of brilliance, I realized suddenly that, Wait! They do! Holy cow!     It's not the church, but the people in the church. What if we, all of us, everyone that fought and fights for gay rights, fought for compassion, for those values I mentioned above, for personal responsibility to take ownership of our own issues before trying to own someone else's, for walking a mile in someone else's shoes before criticizing them?     What if people were vulnerable and open, what if church really was a safe place to worship from wherever you were? What if being perfect really meant becoming like Christ, loving those that were rejected or downtrodden, washing the feet of those that were "b
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Why It Works

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Lucas and I have been talking about this topic a lot lately. We also have had quite a few conversations on the topic over the last little while. What makes a happy marriage? What makes a MOM (mixed-orientation marriage) work? How come ours works so well? Now in asking that last question, lets come to a very clear understanding. Lucas and I are VERY passionate people. We do things passionately. We fight passionately too!!!!! We are both oldest children and want to be in charge (along with our oldest child too :) ). We far from have a perfect marriage. We do things that bug each other, sometimes even on purpose. We have times that we just don't get a long and some times don't even want to get along. Thankfully this isn't most of time, but probably a lot more of the time than I want to admit to anyone. :) So what does keep us together? The conclusion we came to is we LOVE being together. One of the best things about this weekend is that we got to spend the majority of t
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Starting to blog again....

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It's been quite a while since we posted or even looked at this blog. Life gets busy and you slowly move away from where you were. I noticed I haven't posted in well over a year and for Lucas it has been much longer. This weekend was amazing. We spent Friday and Saturday at the North Star Conference associating with others that are ssa/gay or attracted to men, spouses, friends, family, and also those that are transgender who are living the gospel or trying to figure out how the gospel and being this way fits together for their life. We didn't get to many sessions, we were enjoying too much talking with others. We had some extraordinary conversations and it was wonderful to make some amazing new friends and also strengthen friendships that we already had. Lucas sat on a panel of men talking about friendships. As he talked, along with thinking of all the conversations we had had the last 2 days with others, I realized that we needed to blog again. I knew it had been a wh
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Wearing a hijab.

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I would imagine being a Muslim woman in a hijab today could be compared to being gay in the way that gays were and sometimes are still looked at and treated. My friend Laura posted this today: http://www.sltrib.com/lifestyle/faith/3322132-155/interfaith-leaders-urge-utahns-to-wear  I decided to be part of it and here are my thoughts: I wore a hijab today to show support for "freedom of religion without persecution" as asked by interfaith leaders in Salt Lake City. I only wore it out to 2 stores, not that far from my homes. My daughter asked me what I was wearing. I told her and told her about Muslims being made fun of and harassed and such and that it isn’t ok to do that. Interfaith leaders asked people to wear something outwardly to show support of religious freedom without being harassed, etc. Though I do believe there are times to be cautious, I never believe it is ok to harass, attack, or make fun of anyone because of religion or even lack thereof. We t
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Atonement

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I hope that I am never so closed minded that I can't look at the many sides of an issue! I hope that I am always on God's side of things but that I can see where others are coming from. Understand what happened in their lives; choices, circumstances, etc. to make them believe, act and be a certain way. I do believe there is right and wrong. I do believe that one is happier when choosing the right. I do believe the best way to influence people is by love and loving perseverance and not by hate or by insisting that you don't understand the atonement or implying somehow that you somehow aren't righteous enough to truly apply the atonement to your life and overcome whatever challenge you might have. Here was my response to someone: I hear what you are saying. I do. Do you realize though the hundreds (and that's just that I know of) of people that deal with SSA that have spent decades fasting, praying, reading their scriptures and applying the atonemen
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My thoughts on making a Mixed-Orientation Marriage work and be happy

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A lot of people don’t think very highly of mixed orientation marriages and a lot of people would like them to just go away. Many people believe they just can’t and don’t work. At the same time though we all love a good unlikely love story.  Everything from Beauty in the Beast to Little Mermaid to Shrek. They are all unlikely love stories. Nick Vujicic’s was born without arms or legs. He never thought he would find love. A few years ago he did, and this is what his wife said of him: "The moment I saw him, I saw his eyes and his smile. I thought to myself oh my gosh, he is so handsome.  To me he is prince charming. He might now be perfect in the exterior but he is a perfect match for me." Their Love Story He will never be able to hold his wife, yet she is happily married and they are expecting their 2 nd child soon. Donna Eden is an award winning author of Energy Medicine. Her husband David  Feinstein is  a clinical psychologist . She was an alternative
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